I fell in love with the game at just four years old. I lived for every practice and every game. I lived for the countless hours on the field or my front yard perfecting every shot and every touch. Every night I would go shoot with my brother. I had a desire to play, to be the best soccer player I could be.
I had many coaches growing up between, Rec leagues, soccer camps, travel ball, middle school, and high school. Most of the coaches I had the chance to play for had a passion for the game and that’s what I loved most about them. They inspired me to be the best player and student I could be. They told me many good things but they also showed me that they knew what abilities I had and they trusted me. It made me feel good knowing that I worked hard and hearing all the compliments from coaches and other parents made me feel good. It gave me more confidence. Confidence that I needed.
When there are good coaches, comes bad ones too. These coaches focused on favorites instead of the entire team and instead of the ability of each player. I had one coach that no matter how hard I tried, it would never be good enough for him. I had a coach that would tell me all these nice things but go and do something completely different. Acting as if I was never there to begin with. He was the coach that killed my passion and my love for the game of soccer.
When your love dies for something you once loved so much, it is the most heartbreaking thing ever. A desire and a need you once had to play every second and hour of the day is gone, no longer to be seen. It turns into dreading each and every practice and not wanting to go to any games. It also turns into leaving every game with your earphones in praying that no one comes up and talks to you.
My love was destroyed right in front of me when my coach looked at me making me think I was going to finally get my chance but only to look another way and pick someone else.
It has only been a year or more since he last coached me but looking back now at the tears after every practice and game, the thing I would say to coach is:
Making me feel this way about myself didn’t motivate me to want to play and work harder for you on the field. Telling me that ”Your hard work will pay off,” and not keeping that word didn’t make me want to play for you either. I spent every minute of every day at practice and games holding in all my frustration and tears making sure you didn’t see the pain I had. all of the energy I had was put towards fake smiles when I said I was FINE to every time you asked “Is everything okay?” There are absolutely no words for the feeling I got when parents of teammates and my own father asked why I didn’t play more, I didn’t have an answer. What could I of told them? The way you made me feel about myself and my ability to play this game I have been playing for 13 years made me hate myself, you made me doubt myself. I hope and pray you never make another player feel like this again because the pain is something that stays with me always.
My message to any player feeling this way is that you are GREAT! You are IMPORTANT! Please do not let anyone make you love the game any less. They were never there in the beginning. Your ability to play is important to the team in one way or another. You are needed on your team. What helped me get through the pain was my family and some of my teammates. I also had a pretty great new coach that helped me my senior year. They helped get the bad thoughts out of my head. They gave me the encouragement I needed. I’m slowly getting the love back that I once had for this beautiful sport called soccer.
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